Dear Damian,

Today marks one year since the day you were born. I still remember it so vividly. I can close me eyes and relive the moment I knew it was “time.” I remember the car ride. I remember walking up to the hospital door. Feeling my water breaking. Laying down for no more than an hour before you decided you were ready. I remember every drug-free contraction and push. Wondering if I could really do it. Not just the labor, but the whole experience of having a second child. I was worried about your sister and about being able to care for both of you. I had so many doubts and anxieties and I remember them all. So many memories have become fuzzy since then. The first little sounds you made. The first time you rolled over. But the day you were born, one year ago today, is etched in my brain like a tattoo. And here we are, one year later. I can’t say that all of my fears were just fears. There were hard days. So hard. Nights when I could barely open my eyes but all you wanted to do was nurse. Days when chasing around a two-year-old and caring for a newborn felt so overwhelming I could burst. I remember longing for the days when you were, “just a little older.” And, again, here we are. We made it. And I’m loving everything about this stage.

At one year old you can walk, run, spin in circles, clap your hands, and point. You say, “there,” “that,” “bird,” “Eva,” and “Isla.” You love playing catch and reading books. You love the beach and being outside. You’re obsessed with watching animals. You are the best cuddler in the whole world. Your Auntie Ashley calls you a “Stage 5 Clinger.” You also give the sweetest kisses. You watch every single thing your big sister does and you try to imitate her. She loves you to death and calls you “prince.” Watching you two interact gives me the most amazing feelings I’ve ever felt, even though sometimes you aren’t so nice to each other. The bond you two are forming is unreal, though, and I can’t imagine our family without you.

One year ago today I became your mama, and I feel so lucky every single day for that. Happy birthday, son. I love you all the stars.

Love,
Mama