It has been one year since I moved back to Texas. A lot has happened since then, but I’ve remained quiet through the chaos. After nine years of marriage, Daniel and I have decided to go our separate ways. I’m not sure if I wasn’t comfortable writing about it, or if I just wasn’t sure what to write, but it’s over now and I finally feel like I can share it here. Daniel and I are divorced. There wasn’t some defining moment that led to our decision. We had been through a lot in our decade together, and had weathered countless ups and downs. But despite our best efforts at making it work, we just didn’t. We weren’t on the same page and could never seem to find mutual understanding. We have finally both accepted and moved on from this. Daniel is remarried and I have started dating again, sort of (insert awkward emoji faces). Life is moving on.
Really, the last half of my year has been spent getting on my feet. After a few months of working as a public defender, I found a more stable job at a law firm. I work a “9 to 5” now while the kids are in daycare. It has been a huge adjustment for me- learning to get myself and two toddlers dressed and ready to go by 7:15 each morning; finding time for exercise and nature walks; mastering the chaos of the witching hour after a long day at work… But I finally feel like I’m getting in the swing of single motherhood. I’ve actually managed to find MORE time to surf, make art, and yes, write. I’ll share my stories and words eventually and I have the best intentions of getting back to this little space of mine.
I still have dreams of a nomadic lifestyle, but I am accepting of the fact that I am currently in a “grounding” stage. It feels nice to be able to pay my own bills and handle my own shit, so to speak. I welcome the feeling of stability I am beginning to experience. I am grateful for the emotional support from my friends and family. I miss the extra time I had as a stay-at-home-mom with my babies, but I appreciate the growth and learning they are receiving from daycare. I still have visions of Hawaii and beyond, and I know I will get there eventually. But now is a time for, well, now.
I hope to write more here in the coming days and weeks. I finally feel like I’ve stepped back from this blog long enough to figure things out. I no longer want to be obsessed with weekly and monthly updates. I’m learning to look at time in a new way and don’t want to be so meticulous about counting it. I’ve learned to look at a lot of things differently in the last year. I have been spending more time surfing, meditating, and listening to reggae music- things I loved before and during my marriage but have managed to find immeasurable strength and inspiration from in the aftermath. I plan on spending more time writing about my realizations and experiences on my blog, but for today I just wanted to get this announcement over with.
The preface to my next chapter in the Book of Life.
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