Apr 17, 2014


Eva Pilar, Motherhood

Where are you?

I’m a very light sleeper, and always wake up when Evita moves around at night. (Yes, we’re still co-sleeping.) Every now and then, Evita talks in her sleep. Usually she mumbles words like, “puppies,” “bicycle,” or “fruit snacks,” but last night was different. She tossed and turned a bit, and then giggled, twice. Then she said very clearly, “Yet! Where are you?” “Yet” is what Eva called her best friend back in Tanzania. Her real name is “Juliet,” but Eva couldn’t say it right at first and so “yet” became Eva’s nickname for her. Juliet was her Nanny’s daughter. She was much older than Eva, but always came to our house to play, even when her mom wasn’t working. The girls would play hide-and-seek all over our house, run around outside, or I’d take them to the beach. They loved each other’s company. Juliet was like a big sister to Eva. It was so hard to watch them say goodbye, wondering if and when they’d ever see each other again. Now, Eva asks for Juliet (and her mother, Emmy) all the time. She pretends to call her on her toy phones. She gets excited when she sees a kid who resembles her. She randomly says, “Yet… I miss you,” just out of nowhere. It makes me so sad to know that most of Eva’s baby memories of Juliet will fade. I don’t know when, but I’m assuming there will come a day when Eva stops asking for Juliet. This absolutely breaks my heart. These girls had so many great experiences together. I feel so bad for separating them. But such is life when your parents are nomads, I guess.

It won’t be the last time she’ll have to say goodbye to a friend.
But it was the first.
And maybe that’s why I’m so bummed about it. I really hope their paths will cross again somewhere down the road. I hope to take Eva back to Tanzania when she’s older. For now, I’ll just keep showing her pictures and trying to keep her memory as fresh as possible.